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There are many mysteries in life. Why do old people smell bad? Where do babies come from? What the hell are Teletubies? But the question that we will be discussing is, Does everything lead to cancer?

Recently, the American people have become diagnosed with something I like to call Cancer-Phobia. This is the belief that everything can lead to cancer if you look hard enough for a reason. The truth is that cancer is not a joke. There are many people who have cancer, and this “joke” of everything contributing to cancer is ridiculous. At lunch the other day, there was a kid who decided to inform us of what he saw on the news the other day (Jay Kang). He started talking about how he saw a segment of the news telling about how unhealthy it is to reuse water bottles. After his little rant, he tagged on the question: “and guess what?” It was at that point that the people who were listening to him knew that he was about to say the C-word. So when he told us that it led to cancer nobody was surprised.

For those of you who Rube’s who actually stopped reusing water bottles, heed this, not everything you hear is true. If you really cared about preventing/curing cancer, you would try to support the cancer victims, or at least give something in the way of supporting cancer research, instead of naively believing the nonsense that you hear on FOX News.